f 




-1^ PRICE TWrENTY-FIVE CENTS 



r^ 




WITH THE 

STARS AND STRIPES 

IN FRANCE 

BY 

FRANK DUMONT 




THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 
PHILADELPHIA 



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THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



With the Stars and 
Stripes in France 

A War Melodrama in Three Acts 



By 

FRANK DUMONT 

Author of ''A Gunner in the Navy, 
**The Cuban Spy,'' etc. 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

191 8 



<h 



4 xK 






Copyright 191 8 by The Penn Publishing Company 



'^S^22idi8 



With the Stars and Stripes in France 

©CLD 50750 



With the Stars and Stripes in France 



CHARACTERS 

Samuel Lee - - - a brave young American foreman in 

the Sanders Munition Works 
Philip Barclay - - a German spy who carefully con- 
ceals his real name — Ludwig 
Rhinehart 

John Glitter his accomplice 

Johnson Jenks druggist and bill poster 

Jacob Stitch a tailor 

Felix Flaxseed a rube 

Simpson Crabface a colored barber 

Parson Crabface his father 

CtOTTLIEB \ 

Siegfried i soldiers in the German army 

Lieutenant in the American army 

Major in the German army 

Mabel Sanders - daughter of the chief owner of the 
munition factory 

Widow Hobson with many admirers 

LouELLA Butler - - - - a colored manicure artiste 

American and German soldier s^ American citizens^ etc. 
Time : — Two hours. 



STORY OF THE PLAY 

Sam Lee, a young foreman in a factory where shells 
are being made for the U. S. Army, loves Mabel 
Sanders, daughter of the owner. Ludwig Rhine- 
hart tries to ruin Sam and win the girl. Sam en- 
lists, meets Rhinehart on the French front, and 
finally exposes him as a German spy. 

3 



COSTUMES, ETC. 

Samuel Lee. Twenty-five to thirty. In Act I plainly 
dressed as an American factory foreman in street 
summer costume; straw hat. Acts II and III, 
uniform of sergeant of infantry, U. S. Army. 
Bandage on head. 

Philip Barclay. About forty. Act I, blonde. Wears 
light beard. Handsome summer business suit and 
hat. Act II, uniform of captain of infantry, U. S. 
Army. Wears moustache. Act III, uniform of 
colonel or higher officer in German Army. 
Moustache now turned up at ends in Prussian 
fashion. 

John Glitter. About forty. Act I, plainly dressed, 
in dark suit and hat. Dark moustache. Act II, 
uniform of private in U. S. Army. Smooth face. 

Johnson Jenks. About fifty. Act I, eccentric cos- 
tume, loud checks, wig, etc. May wear large 
tortoise-shell glasses. Acts II and III, same wig 
and glasses, but wears uniform of private in 
medical or ambulance corps, with a red cross 
" brassard " on arm. 

Jacob Stitch. About fifty. Act I, eccentric cos- 
tume. May be played as a Jew or Swede. Acts 
II and III, uniform of private in U. S. Army. 

Felix Flaxseed. About twenty. Act I, flaxen wig. 
Small derby. Trousers too short. Low shoes, 
etc. A " rube " costume. Acts II and III, ap- 
pears as soldier in U. S. Army ; still looks a little 
rustic, but not too much so. 

Simpson Crabface. About thirty. Colored. Act I, 
costume of a barber. Trousers of a loud check 
or plaid. White duck coat. Acts II and III, 
private in U. S. Army, with red cross " brassard " 
on arm. 

Parson Crabface. Old man. White hair and beard. 



/PBOPEBTIES 

Spectacles. Rusty long ^ black coat and black 
trousers. Battered high hat. Carries cane. 

Gottlieb, Siegfried. Soldiers in German Army, 
One old, one young. One fat, the other thin. 
Both wear uniform of private, widi spiked hel- 
met, trench " tin hat," or the round flat cap of 
German infantryman. 

Lieutenant. About thirty. Uniform of lieutenant 
of infantry, U. S. Army. 

Major. About fifty. Very fat. Uniform of 
major, German Army. Spiked helmet. 

Mabel Sanders. About twenty-one. A pretty girl. 
In Act I wears handsome summer costume. Hat. 
Parasol. Hand-bag. Act II, uniform of U. S. 
Army nurse, with blue cape. Act HI, same cos- 
tume, without cape. 

Widow Hobson. Forty-five. Fair and fat. Act I, 
street costume. Carries large knitting bag and 
stout umbrella. Acts II and HI, blue uniform 
suit, with short skirt, belt and small hat. Still 
carries large umbrella. 

LouELLA. About twenty-five. Colored. Act I, white 
duck suit ; no hat. Acts II and HI, wears a half 
military, half nurse costume. She is supposed to 
be a helper at a military hospital. 

American and German soldiers wear appropriate uni- 
forms and carry rifles. 



PROPERTIES 



Lee: Bandage around head; rifle; folded papers. 

Philip: Sealed and stamped letter; a match; purse 
with money; other loose money; two folded 
papers ; two pistols ; an electric flash-light. 

Jenks: Recruiting poster, to be put up with brush 
and paste taken from a pail ; or if preferred may 
be fastened with thumb-tacks ; two pistols ; folded 
paper. 

Glitter: Sealed envelope. 

Felix: Large American flag; pistol; costume of a 

5 



SCENE PLOTS 

peasant girl, with apron and "Normandy cap"; 

two handkerchiefs. 
Jacob : A loaf of black bread. 
Simpson: Razor; a collection of old tools, such as 

saw, hammer, chisel, etc.; pack of cards; rope 

with slip-knot to form a lasso. 
Gottlieb and other German soldiers : Rifles. 
Lieutenant : Pistol ; short piece of rope ; large hand- 
kerchief for bandaging eyes. 
American Soldiers: Rifles; one soldier carries an 

American flag. 
Mabel: Hand-bag; small flag-handkerchief or small 

silk American flag. 
Louella: Manicuring tools; razor; rifle; pistol. 



SCENE PLOTS 
Act I 
SACK n Kop- SHQi^^/A/e g rnsE r 




Scene. — A street in a small American city. Back 
drop shows street scene. Exits up R. and L. and 
through store doors. A bill-board up L. shows 
posters, recruiting notices, etc. Up l. store front 
with sign in front, " Johnson Jenks. Drug Store. 
Post-Oflice. Also Bill Poster." Further down l. 
another store front with sign, " Simpson Crabface. 
\ 6 



SCENE PLOTS 

Tonsorial and Manicure Parlor." Barber pole in 
front of shop or attached to it. Up R. wood wing 
and further down R. a store front with sign, 
" Jacob Stitch, Tailor." 



Acts II and III 




Scene. — A room in a half ruined chateau in France, 
supposed to be near the front. Up r. c. is a large 
window, high up in the wall, or a ragged hole sup- 
posed to have been made by shell-fire. Doors R. 
and L. Up R. a rickety table and chair or box. 
Boxes or old chairs and stools down r. and l. 
Up L. a collection of boxes, barrels, and rubbish. 
Backing shows exterior scene. 



With the Stars and Stripes 
in France 



ACT I 

SCENE. — A street in a small town. Street scene at 
hack. At I., is a shop front with a barter's pole 
and sign, ''Simpson Crahface. Sanitary Ton- 
sorial and Manicure Parlor." Further up l. is 
another store front with sign, "Johnson Jenks. 
Drug Store. Post-Office. Also Bill Poster." 

(At R. a store front with sign, " Jacob Stitch, Tailor." 
Up stage l. a hill-board or space for Jenks to put 
up a poster. Exits to stores and also street exits 
up R. and L.) 

{Lively music for opening. Enter, up r., Felix Flax- 
seed, looking awkwardly around.) 

Felix. My, how this place has improved since they 
built the ammunition factory! It begins to look 
like a real city. I'm kinder tired of the farm. 
I want to see some city life. 

{Enter Jacob Stitch from his store r.) 

Jacob, You're just in time, young man. Looking 
for a new suit of clothes, ain't you? Here's the 
place — step in. I got just the thing for you, a 
nice blue with 

{Enter Simpson Crabface from his shop, l.) 
9 



WITS THE STABS AND STBIPES IN FRANCE 



Simpson. Ah ! A customer. Wait a minute, boss. 

Don't you want a shave? 

Felix (rubbing his face). Why, mebbe I do. I 

Jacob (pulling Felix r.). Here, you're going to buy 

a suit. 
Simpson (pulling Felix l.). What! Put on a new 

suit before you're shaved? That ain't right. 

Shave first. Dress afterward. Come on. You're 

next. 

(Johnson Jenks enters from store l. with posters, 
pail and paste brush. He proceeds to bill-board 
and begins to put up a poster headed, " Recruits 
Wanted:') 

Felix. Here. Lemme alone, daggone it. I've 

changed my mind. 
Jacob (scornfully). Your mind! 
Felix. Yes. I don't want a suit, and I guess I don't 

want a shave. 'Tain't Saturday night yet. 
Jenks (coming down l. c. to Felix). That's right, 

young fellow. Don't buy a suit or a shave. Go 

into the army, and Uncle Sam will give you a new 

suit of clothes and a shave for nothing. 
Felix. Say, I'll think that over. 
Simpson. But you need a shave now. You also need 

a shampoo and a hair cut, and you ought to be 

manicured. Come on, man! 

(Takes Felix hy the arm.) 

(Enter Louella from Simpson's shop, l. She has 
manicuring tools in her hands.) 

Louella. Who said manicure? Here I am right on 
the job. If I do say it myself, I'm the most ex- 
pertest female manicurist that ever manicured 
fingers. Let me see your hand. (Takes Felix's 
hand.) Are you a farmer? 

Felix (l. c). Uh-huh. 

Louella (l.). I thought so. I see you like to carry 
your soil around with you. Let me separate you 
from it. Come right into the beauty parlor. 

ID 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIFES IN FRANCE 



Felix. Here — wait a moment until I decide what 
I'm going to do. 

{Enter Philip Barclay, up r. He pauses up r. C 
Jacob and Simpson how to him.) 

Simpson {down l.). How do you do, sir? Glad to 
hear you are planning a new addition to the shell 
factory. 

Philip. Ah, yes. WeVe needed it for a long time. 
Can't keep up with our orders, nowadays. 

{Strolls L. toward post-office and enters it. Jenks 
follows.) 

Simpson. That's a fine man. He's part owner of 
that factory and I hear he's applying for a com- 
mission in the army. 

(Jenks stops up c.) 

Stitch. Huh, you don't know him. No army for 

him. 
Felix. Army! Army! That's all I hear wherever 

I go. 

(Jenks comes down c.) 

Jenks. And that's all you are going to hear until the 

Kaiser gets a good walloping. 
Felix (l. c). I'd like to be one that will help to 

get it for him. 

(Philip reenters l., holding a letter. He crosses 
down R. and opens his letter, hut while pretending 
to read it is listening to the others.) 

Jenks (c). Then here's your chance. Uncle Sam 
wants some real men to help him down that war 
loving barbarian villain. {Points to poster.) 

Philip {down r.). A man would be acting like a 
simpleton to go into the army tmtil he is actually 
needed or drafted. 

Jenks. Is that so? Well — if they were all like you — 

II 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIPES W FRANCE 



Staying here when you should be in the trenches — ■ 
I don't know how we'd ever defeat the Kaiser. 

Philip. I have a duty to perform here. 

Jenks (c). Duty, hey? Well, a fine big man like 
you could be more useful on the other side. 

Philie {haughtily). That's about enough. I know 
my business. But how about you yourself? 
(Sneeringly.) If you're so anxious why not sign 
up to-day? (Points to poster.) 

Jenks. Well, maybe you think I couldn't fight. 
Maybe not. Maybe I'll show you. (Struts up 
and down.) I ain't afraid of you or old Kaiser 
Wilhellum, either. (Snaps fingers.) 

Philip. Don't get excited. I merely advised this 
young man for his own welfare. 

Jenks. Advise him? Fine advice — not to defend 
the flag ! 

Philip. Oh, one flag is just as good as another. They 
merely represent so much bunting. It's a matter 
of sentiment — that's all. 

Jenks (c). Not the Stars and Stripes! No, sir. 
The red represents the blood of the patriots of 
1776; the white is the patriotism of all Amer- 
icans ; and the blue and the stars are like those in 
heaven — the whole world can't pull them down. 

(All but Philip applaud. Felix goes up l. and reads 
poster.) 

Philip. You have a right to your opinion, and I have 
a right to mine. We shall see what we shall see. 

Jenks (laughing). I'll lend you a telescope so you 
can see it all right. 

Simpson. Oh, oh, I forgot. I have a man in my 
shop waiting to be shaved, and his mouth's full 
of lather. (Runs into shop, l.) 

LouELLA. My land, that's so, and he'll have a mouth- 
ful of talk by now. (Runs into shop, l.) 

(Enter Mabel Sanders up l. Close behind her enters 
John Glitter. Mabel is about to enter post- 
office, but pauses at the door.) 
12 



WITH TEE STABS AND STBIPES IN FRANCE 



Jacob (r.). Well, I've lost a customer by all this 
foolishness. Mr. Jenks, you are a busybody. 

Jenks {crossing r.). Glad of it. If it weren't for 
the busybodies you'd never find out anything. 

Philip {going to Jenks, r.). Sometimes it's danger- 
ous to find out too much. 

(Glitter comes down r. c.) 

Jenks. Sometimes a spy finds out too much, and 
gets his neck in a halter, or is put up against a 
v^all and filled with good American bullets. 

Philip. Do you dare insinuate that I am a spy? 

(Mabel comes down l. c.) 

Glitter. Mr. Jenks, you should be careful what you 
say. You forget that Mr. Barclay is part owner 
of the Sanders factory, and has done much for 
this town. Mr. Barclay is a gentleman, and will 
soon be an officer in the United States Army. 

Mabel. Thank you, Mr. Glitter. You took the 
words out of my mouth. It's a shame to attack 
a man like Mr. Barclay with such mean suspicions. 
{To Jenks.) You are too free in your denuncia- 
tion, and I believe you will regret it. 

Jenks. Oh, no, I won't. I don't take back anything 
that I have said. I know a thing or two. He's 
a snake in the grass, and I will prove it. And, 
Miss Sanders, let me warn you at the same time. 
Don't be too sure that he is a gentleman. {Crosses 
up L. and slaps Felix on the back. Mabel shrugs 
her shoulders and crosses to Philip, r.) Come 
along, young fellow. I'll put your name down. 
Enlist and show these slackers that all patriotism 
isn't dead in this town. 

Felix. I'll go you ! And you can bet I'll defend the 
flag that waves over the land that gave me birth. 

Jenks. That's the stuff, boy. 

{They go toward shop l. Exit Felix.) 
Glitter {to Philip). Here is some mail for you, 

13 



WITS THE STABS AND STBIPES IN FRANCE 



sir — {aside) the plan you wanted of the new 
factory. 

{Hands envelope.) 

Philip. Hush ! 

{Slips envelope into pocket of coat.- Jenks watches 
this, then exit L. into shop.) 

Glitter. I'll go in and talk to that man. I'll make 
him apologize to you. Spy, indeed ! Outrageous ! 

{Exit L. to Jenks' store.) 

Jacob. Well, all I got to say is, war is sending busi- 
ness to the deuce. Here I lost a customer al- 
ready this morning. My, my, what are we com- 
ing to? I guess I'll go call on the widder. 

{Exit, up R.) 

Philip. Miss Sanders, I wish to thank you for speak- 
ing in my behalf. Your father trusts me. You 
know that. 

Mabel (r. c). Yes. 

Philip (r.). And he knows my true character better 
than these sneaking fellows. As long as I stand 
well in your estimation let the curs bark at my 
heels. 

Mabel {a little confused). I will not see any one 
unjustly accused if I can prevent it, Mr. Barclay. 

Philip. You know how much a word of defense 
from you means to me. 

Mabel. Please don't, Mr. Barclay. 

Philip. But you cannot prevent me from admiring 
you! 

Mabel {smiling). Perhaps not. No woman ever 
objects to admiration. But we cannot accept it 
too openly from every one. 

Philip. Yet there is at least one from whom you 
accept it. 

Mabel. Mr. Barclay! You have no right 

14 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



Philip (bowing). You make me painfully aware of 

that. I wish my name were Lee. 
Mabel (Hirning away). I will not listen to such talk. 

It's unfair. (She crosses up r. c.) 
Philip (laughing). Oh! All is fair in love and 

war. Sam Lee is a fine young man, and I envy 

him. 
Mabel (coldly). You have no occasion. There is 

nothing between Mr. Lee and me. 
Philip (going toward her, up r. c). Ah, then I 

may hope 

Mabel (decidedly). No! You are very much mis- 
taken. If you were the last man in the world I 

would not listen to a word of love from you. 

The world is wide, Mr. Barclay, and you may 

win some other girl. 

(Exit, up R.) 

Philip (going up c. and looking after her). Ah! 
Ha! Just as I thought. But I haven't lost yet. 
(Comes down r.) Her father will give her a 
good talking to, and the way will then be easier. 
All in good time. All in good time. 

(Enter, up l., Samuel Lee. He is about to enter 
post-office L. when Philip motions to him, and 
Lee comes down r.) 

Lee. Did you wish to speak to me? 

Philip. Yes. What's the matter at the factory? 

Lee (cautiously). You know as well as I do. You 

are there every day. 
Philip. It's lucky I am. I found this on the floor 

of one of your filling rooms yesterday. 

(Takes match from pocket and holds it up.) 

Lee. Every one who enters is searched for matches. 

You know that. 
Philip. I know a lot of things happen that you as 

superintendent are supposed to prevent. 
Lee (coldly). Indeed! 

15 



WITS THE STAMS AND STBlPES IN FRANCE 



Philip. Yes. There was a fire in Room No. 2 at 
9 : 30 this morning. 

Lee {startled). How did you hear that? Only one 
person in the factory beside myself knew it. It 
was all over in a few seconds. 

Philip. Well, as a stockholder I make it my business 
to keep informed about the factory — {signifi- 
cantly) and about its superintendent. There may 
be spies about. 

(Jenks sticks his head cautiously out of store door 
up -L.) 

Lee. You are quite right — spies who are very close 
to everything in the factory. Spies who perhaps 
are not suspected on account of their high posi- 
tions. 

Philip. I think so too. You are a clever fellow and 
ought to discover the scoundrels. Here ! I want 
to make you a little present to keep an eye on 
certain suspicious characters. (Gives money.) 

Lee. You needn't pay me, Mr. Barclay, if that is your 
name, to watch the ammunition needed for our 
soldiers in France. It's my duty as an American 
to do so. {Throws money at Philip.) What 
are you trying to do — bribe me? There's some- 
thing crooked about this, Mr. Barclay. 

Philip {picking up money). Crooked or not, you'll 
treat me with respect or lose your job. I've had 
my eye on you for some time, Mr. Lee. Look 
out! 

Lee. You bet I'll look out. But don't get your eye 
too near my fist unless you want it well blacked. 

Philip {going up r.). You've had your warning. 

{Exit, up R.) 

{Enter Jenks from his store up l. He comes down 
R. c.) 

Jenks. I heard it all! That's the scoundrel that's 
at the bottom of all the trouble in the factory. 
Why in the world did Sanders ever let him in? 
16 



With the stabs and steip£S in fbancj^ 



He represents a German group bound to destroy 
all ammunition factories in this country. And 
Glitter is another of the gang. 

Lee. Oh, I've suspected them from the first. But 
I can't prove anything, and neither can you. 
You've got to be awfully sure before you openly 
accuse him. A charge like that sometimes has a 
big kick in it. Barclay has influential friends in 
Washington and the alliance clubs are back of 
him. But follow him. Don't lose track of him, 
and report to me. 

Jenks. Trust me, Sam. From now on I'm on his 
trail, and I won't lose sight of him for a minute. 
I'll knock seventeen different kinds of sour krout 
out of him — see if I don't. 

{Exit, R.) 

Lee. I will see Mabel and tell her all. She has 
spurned my love, it seems, because I am merely 
an employee in her father's factory. I did think 
at one time that I had won her love, and life was 
worth living. But now — well, it's the old story — 
the old story. 

{Exit to post-office, l.) 

{Enter Glitter from post-office, l., and looks around. 
In a moment enter Philip up r.) 

Glitter. Ah, Ludwig, there you are! 

Philip {looking about him). Hush |^ Are you crazy? 
Never speak the name of Ludwig Rhinehart aloud. 
And then these plans of the factory {takes en- 
velope from pocket) — why did you give them to 
me when Miss Sanders was present? Why, it 
was insane, positively insane. 

Glitter. But they were sealed. 

Philip. Never mind. You are getting careless. Did 
you not hear that fellow Jenks openly accuse me 
of being a spy? More caution, my friend, more 
caution. 

17 



wits THE STABS AiTD STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Glitter, I will remember it. You'll find everything 
there — the plans and specifications — everything. 
(Jenks strolls on unobserved up r.) Now, when 
do I get the hundred dollars? 

Philip. Right now. 

{Puts envelope into side pocket of coat, pulls out 
purse, takes out money, and hands to Glitter. ) 

Glitter. Thank you. That's right. 

Philip. Now be very careful hereafter. Never ad- 
dress me as Ludwig Rhinehart or be seen too 
often in conversation with me. 

(Jenks comes down r., slyly takes the papers from 
Philip's pocket, and strolls off up r.) 

Glitter. What are you going to do with that fellow 
Lee? 

Philip. Have him discharged from the factory as a 
spy and driven away from this town. He went 
into the post-office a short time ago. Keep an 
eye on him. Our safety demands it. 

Glitter. I'll do it. Ach — these stupid pigs of Amer- 
icans! They can never find out anything about 
us, and when this shell factory is destroyed we 
have served the fatherland. 

{Exit to post-office, l.) 

Philip. And that will happen before a great while. 
No more good shells must leave here if I can 
prevent it. 

{As he goes up c. Mabel enters up r. He is about 
to speak, but she boivs coldly and conies down R. 
Philip, enraged, stands up r. Lee enters l. and 
comes down to Mabel. Philip, with an angry 
exclamation, goes off up r.) 

Lee. Miss Sanders. 
Mabel. Oh, Mr. Lee. 

Lee. Miss Sanders, I've been wanting to see you — 
to ask your advice. 

18 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Mabel.' My advice? Why, I can't think it is of any 

value, but you're welcome. 
Lee. I've been feeling I ought to go into the army. 
Mabel. Oh, no! 
Lee. Why not? The country needs every man who 

can carry a gun. 
Mabel. Yes, but you — you are so valuable to the 

factory. My father says so. You are helping 

the army here. 
Lee. Some one else could do my work. Besides, I 

have not a free hand. I'm hampered. Some- 
body or something is interfering. 
Mabel. Don't you know who it is? 
Lee. No — ^yes, I think I do. 
Mabel. Then act at once — to-day. See father 

about it. 
Lee. Miss Sanders {bitterly) your father would not 

listen. 
Mabel. Oh, but he will. I'll make him. He must. 
Lee. No — it's no use. I'd better go into the army. 

Mabel. Oh, don't, I beg of you 

Lee. What? Then you care 

Mabel (hastily). I mean — you must not act hastily. 

I'm going to talk to father. (She starts up R.) 
Lee (following). No, please, I'll handle this myself. 

But you can't think how much it means to me that 

you are interested. 
Mabel. It means a great deal to me to see you 

succeed. 
Lee. I'll remember that. And I'll think it over — 

what you said. 
Mabel. Do. And tell me to-morrow what you de- 
cide — to fight for your country in the field, or to 

work for her here. 
Lee. I will. Good-bye. (They shake hands.) 
Mabel. Good-bye. 

(Exit, R.) 

Lee. Ah, she's a girl in a thousand. If I only 

dared 

{Exit, L.) 

19 



WITM THE STABS AND STMIFES IN FRANCE 



{Enter Simpson Crabface from his shop l., quarrel- 

ing with Louella, who crosses to R., followed by 
Simpson, who has a razor.) 

LouELLA. Don't you pull no razor on me, nigger, or 
your father will preach the obsequies over your 
decomposed body. 

Simpson. Then don't pick on me. Don't threaten 
me, woman. We ain't married yet, so you ain't 
got none of them privileges. 

LouELLA. We ain't married yet, but it's just the same. 
I've got the refusal of you. 

Simpson. Suppose I don't choose to put a rope 
'round my neck? 

LouELLA. Then I'll sue you for breeches of trust. 

Simpson. Ha! ha! ha! Breeches of trust. You 
mean promise of connubial felixity. 

LouELLA. You know what I mean. You think be- 
cause you've got a barber shop, where all the 
politicians and business men get shaved, that 
you're somebody. {Laughs.) Why, you're only 
an ignorant nigger, and you'll never get over it. 

Simpson. Don't you insult my occupation to my face. 
{Blusters up in anger.) When you do that, you 
cast a reflection on my tonsorial ability. 

LouELLA. I don't care about your tonsils nor your 
disability. You can't bluff me, nigger. There's 
Indian blood in me. 

Simpson. Who cares about that? You can't scalp 
me. 

LouELLA. No, but I can manicure your face for you. 

{Shakes fist.) 

Simpson. There's my jaw. You manicure it. 
Woman, I'll certainly have to sue you for defama- 
tion of E. Pluribus Unum! 

LouELLA. Don't you call me that. Don't you call 
me a plurisy woman. 

{She slaps him. He fights back. At that moment 
Parson Crabface enters up l. He comes down 
20 



WITH THE STARS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



between them and receives several blows that 
knock off his hat.) 

Parson. Here ! here ! here ! What do you mean by 
this antagonistic demonstration? {Picks up hat.) 
Have you no respect for the ministry? What's 
all this turmoil? {Both try to talk at once to ex- 
plain matters.) Wait a minute. One at a time! 
Now — elucidate. 

Simpson. She started on me first. 

LouELLA. Now ain't that just like that man? He 
picked on me and exasperated my feelings. 

Simpson. She threatened to take my life. 

LouELLA. That ain't nothin' to what he was goin' to 
do to me. 

Parson. I'm ashamed of you both. If you go on 
in this manner now, what are you going to do 
when you are tied up in the blessed state of con- 
jugial circumstances? 

Simpson. She ain't got no right to boss me yet. 

LouELLA. I may as well begin now as any time. 

Parson. I repeat, I'm ashamed of you. How these 
here white folks goin' to live right if you don't 
set them a good example? But here you is, 
fightin' and quarrelin' right before this Sanatorial- 
Tonsorial Emporium! No wonder white folks 
laugh at your qualifications. 

Simpson. I'se got feelin's, I has. 

LouELLA. I'se got more feelin's than you. I was 
brought up different. 

Parson. No more bickering or quarreling. Shake 
hands over the bloody chasm ! Forget it. Come 
to church Sunday, and don't forget the contribu- 
tion box. Now, go in your barber shop, and try 
to be human beings. Go on, now. Don't talk 
back. Go in. There's enough war going on 
without having it here in this family. Go in, I 
say — accelerate your movements. {Bus. Drives 
them both into the barber shop, l. They try to 
talk back and explain.) Go in or I'll lick both of 
you. 

21 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



{All exeunt into shop, l.) 

{Enter, up l.. Widow Hobson and Jacob Stitch, 
arm in arm. They come down c.) 

Jacob. Oh, if I should be drafted and go in the army 

what would you do ? 
Widow. Well, there are lots of slackers. I guess I'd 

have to be satisfied with a slacker. 
Jacob. Then I'll be a slacker! 
Widow. Oh, no. I want to many a soldier ! 
Jacob. Suppose I come back without any arms or 

legs? 
Widow. I've always had a perfect passion for rem- 
nants. 
Jacob. I know — but without arms or legs. That 

would be awful. 
Widow. I'd carry you around with a shawl strap! 

At any rate, I would know you couldn't go out 

alone, and I would know you couldn't hug any 

other girl. {Goes l.) 
Jacob {following). I don't want any other girl. 

Let's get married now. 
Widow. Oh, no, I never do anything in a hurry. 

Let me see how you look in a uniform first. 
Jacob. I'll enlist right away. {Marches up and 

down.) I'll show you what a fine man I am. 

Come to my arms. 

{Suddenly embraces her as Jenks enters up r.) 

Jenks. Hello! Break away! Well — I like that. 

{Comes down c.) 

Jacob {downu). So do I. That's why I'm doing it. 
Jenks. But not in front of me. I won't stand for 

it. Oh, no. Are you aware, sir, that this lady 

is mortgaged to me? 
Widow {down l. c). Wait a moment! I am still 

free! I said I would marry the one that looked 

best in a uniform. 
Jenks {down c). All right. That goes. I'll enlist 

22 



WITR THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



and let my drug store and the bill posting busi- 
ness go to the deuce! Oh! Love — love — what 
will a poor man not do for love? 
Jacob. Ah! You're off your noodles. No use of 
you going to war. I'm her next husband. 

(Widow retreats up c.) 

Jenks. You? You're not a man, you're a tailor. 

You are the ninth part of a man. Go into your 

shop and sit cross-legged and sew up your mouth 

so your brains won't fall out. 
Jacob. I'll show you that I am man enough to wallop 

you! 

(They box and strike wildly at each other without 
hitting. ) 

Widow. I'll be the referee! Oh! Ain't it fine — to 
have two men fighting over you? {They follow 
each other around with blows that do not reach — 
uppercuts and grotesque blows ad lib., saying, 
" How do you like that onef " '' How does that 
feelf " " Got enough? " etc, etc. Finally Widow 
interferes.) That's enough. Now before any- 
body gets hurt come into the drug store and we'll 
all have a nice glass of soda water. 

Jenks {aside). I'll put a dose of castor oil in his. 
(Widow extends an arm to each. They go up 
toward store with Widow between them, each try- 
ing to outdo the other in attentions and politeness 
and yet showing jealousy. Enter Philip up r., 
as though looking for something. Jenks, to 
Widow.) One moment. {To Philip.) Lost 
something ? 

Philip {scowling). No. 

Jenks {turning away with a grin). Oh, excuse me! 
{To Widow.) After you! {Bows.) 

{Exeunt Widow, Jacob, Jenks, into store l.) 

Philip {crossing down l.). I believe that scoundrel 
knows something about those papers. If he's 

23 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



tricking me let him beware. {Enter Mabel up R. 
She carries hand-hag.) Ah, Miss Sanders. 
(Bows to her.) Excuse my excited appearance 
but I have lost valuable papers. Both your 
father and I vi^ill suffer from this loss, should they 
fall in the hands of spies. 

Mabel (coming down r.). I am sorry to hear of 
your loss. 

Philip (follozving her down r.). Perhaps I dropped 
them here and you picked them up. 

Mabel. I assure you that I did not see them. 

Philip. Why, you v^ere here when I received them. 
I saw you here only a few minutes ago — and dis- 
covered my loss just afterward. Are you telling 
me the truth? 

Mabel (coldly). Mr. Barclay, how dare you ques- 
tion me in this manner? Never dare to address 
me again ! 

Philip. . I left you here with Lee. Perhaps you are 
shielding him. Those papers I must and shall 
have. Are they in that hand-bag? 

(Philip seizes the hand-hag to take it.) 

Mabel (struggling). Release my hand-bag at once. 
Philip. Open it and let me search it, or I'll never 
let you go. 

(Enter Samuel Lee up l. He runs down r. c, seises 
Philip and flings him over to L. c.) 

Lee. You'll let her go now ! (Philip makes a move- 
ment as if to draw a weapon.) Take your hand 
away from your hip pocket or I'll drop you. 

Philip. You can't bluff me. You have no pistol. 

Lee. No, I don't need one for you. I have nature's 
weapon. (Puts fist under Philip's nose.) I 
never miss with it. And when I fight I fight a 
man! I never fight a w^oman! 

Philip. Are you aware that I am your superior? — 
that I can have you thrown out of the factory 
neck and heels? 

24 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Lee. I dislike to think the cowardly insulter of a lady 

can ever be my equal, let alone my superior. 
Philip. I represent the United States government. 
Lee. And I represent American manhood. God 

help the United States if they have to depend upon 

men like you. 
Philip. I'll show you before the day is over what 

it means to insult me. 

(Enter Jenks, Jacob and Widov^ from drug store, 
up L. They come down c. Simpson, Parson 
and Louella enter l. They come down l.) 

Jenks. That's right. Stand up to him, Mr. Lee. 
That's a little straight talk for Mr. Philip Barclay, 
alias Ludwig Rhinehart. 

{Enter Glitter, r. He sneaks down l. c. to Philip 
and motions him to he cautious.) 

Lee. Mr. Barclay is searching for spies, and he has 

lost valuable documents. 
Philip. And you have lost your position in the 

factory. You are discharged. 
Mabel. Not so fast. My father still owns most of 

the stock in that factory, and I'm going to tell 

him a few things. Mr. Lee is not discharged, 

and you cannot discharge him. 
Lee. I don't care for the position — I have a better 

one waiting for me. I'm going to enlist to fight 

for my country and Uncle Sam. 
Mabel. Oh, so you have decided ^ 
Lee. Yes. My mind is made up. I shall sign the 

papers to-day. 
Mabel. And you'll be going away ? 
Lee. Yes. You wouldn't keep me from going? 
Mabel {enthusiastically). No! You are doing what 

every American should do if he is able to carry a 

gun. Go. Don*t be a slacker. Go and fight for 

the old Stars and Stripes. 
Lee {to Philip). You hear that? 

25 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Philip. Yes. I have applied for a commission my- 
self. 

Jenks. Commission! You ought to be tarred and 
feathered, you miserable snake! Here, Sam. 
Here are the papers he is looking for! {Gives 
papers to Lee. Philip and Glitter are dumb- 
founded.) They sneered at the flag. Bring it 
here. 

(Felix brings out a flag l. and gives it to Lee. Philip 
and Glitter are pushed up c. Citizens may 
enter here, if desired, to make a crowd at climax. ) 

Lee. Now, then. Take your hats off to this flag. 
(Philip and Glitter hesitate but Lee threatens.) 
Hats off, I say! {They remove hats.) Now to 
prove that you are not German spies or traitors, 
kneel — and kiss that flag ! 

{The two villains hesitate. Jenks kicks Glitter.) 

Jenks. Do as Mr. Lee orders you. 
Simpson. Do it, or I'll separate you from your ex- 
istence. 

(Lee hands the flag to Mabel.) 

Lee. Now kneel and kiss the flag that you have in- 
sulted. 

{Bus. The two spies kneel and kiss the flag as all 
cheer ad lib., and sing part of " The Star Spangled 
Banner,'* some jeering at the spies.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — A room in a semi-ruined chateau, near 
the American lines in France. The place is used as 
an emergency hospital. At back a large open 
window or a ragged hole in wall supposed to have 
been made by shell fire. Broken furniture. Piles 
of boxes. Several barrels under window. Door 
R. Exit L., concealed by boxes. 

{Music at rise of curtain. Bugle call heard faintly. 
A squad of American soldiers are passing out at 
door R. Samuel Lee, in uniform of a sergeant^ 
discovered on box up l. His head is bandaged, 
Jenks, in uniform of a private of the Medical 
Corps, is tightening the bandage.) 

Jenks. There, Sam! You're all right, my boy, and 
you're all patched up. You certainly deserve 
your promotion. 

Lee. Oh, nonsense! They were all in it. 

Jenks. Yes, but you were the boy who led the squad, 
and wouldn't give in till they bombed or bayoneted 
the last Hun of the bunch and cleared the hill. 
We saw you. I wished I was in it. Why, making 
you sergeant was the least they could do. You 
ought to have the Distinguished Service medal. 

Lee. Well, you're a good friend, Jenks. I appreciate 
it, all right. I'm glad we licked them. They had 
a machine gun to every yard, but we drove them 
back, eh, old boy, and gave them a taste of Amer- 
ican bullets and cold steel ! 

Jenks. You bet you did; and they'll never forget 
the Yankee boys they appeared to despise and 
defy. 

Lee. I dare say I ought to be thankful that I came 
out of it alive. But, Jenks, I don't care. I have 
nothing to live for. 

27 



WITH TEE STAES AND STBIPES IN FETNOE 



Jenks. Nonsense. You've got a lot of fun coming to 
you yet. What's the matter ? A girl ? 

Lee. You've guessed it. 

Jenks. Yes, and I can guess her name, too. 

Lee. Perhaps. Keep it to yourself. If you know 
the girl you know why I can't many her. 

Jenks. I don't know anything of the kind. If you 
mean her father's a rich man 

Lee. That's what I mean. And I was his employee. 

Jenks. Well, he worked up from a shirt-sleeve job 
himself. 

Lee. His daughter never did. She's always known 
luxury. 

Jenks. If she knows a good thing when she sees it 
she'll take you. Did you ever tell her ? 

Lee. No. I knew it was no use. I thought at one 
time she loved me, but she never gave a sign when 
I came away. Women are all fickle, Johnson. 

Jenks. All but widows! They've been taught a 
lesson in losing a husband, and they're anxious 
to get another one, and that's why they are true 
to you, until they get you. Then good-night 
" Liberty."^ 

Lee (^^7/ musing). Never a line or word from 
Mabel! Not a message to encourage me or bid 
me hope. 

Jenks. Oh! Don't let that worry you. Wait until 
you go back to the States as a major, a colonel or 
a general, all covered with gold lace. They'll all 
fall for you. You can have your pick of them. 
You won't know what to do to shake them off. 

Lee. That's all right, Jenks, but I thought she would 
at least write an encouraging letter as a matter 
of courtesy. Most of the boys hear from home 
or their sweethearts; they get some little token. 
But I — well, it serves me right — a mere mechanic 
daring to love a millionaire's daughter. 

Jenks. Forget it ! There isn't a millionaire's daugh- 
ter living who is too good for one of Uncle Sam's 
soldiers. 

Lee. We'll have a new set o£ officers now. Lieu- 

28 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



tenant Henderson is near going West, they tell 
me, and he's the last of the lot. 
Jenks. You'll probably be doubled up with what's 
left of B Company. But come ! I want to have 
the surgeon look you over. Stop worrying and 
get the girls out of your mind. First thing I 
know you'll be clear dippy. Come on now. Easy 
does it. 

{Lifts Lee gently, and leads him off l.) 

(Jacob is led in r., half supported by Felix — both in 
uniform. Jacob groans, limps 'and at times yells 
with seeming pain. Lays Jacob on floor up c. ) 

Jacob. Oh — oh! Easy! Don't hurry me. Oh! I 

guess my leg is shot off, or my arm is amputated 

or something. On ! but I'm badly wounded, boy. 

No more fighting for old Jacob. I'm a busted 

tomato. Oh ! 
Felix. Oh, cheer up ! The doctors will get hold of 

you and sew a new leg or an arm or two on you. 

They're cuttin' off lots of good arms and legs that 

will fit you. 

(Enter Jenks, l.) 

Jenks. What's the matter? This isn't the hospital! 

Next house — half a mile from here. 
Jacob. Oh ! I'll die before I can get there. 
Jenks. Oh, ho! It's you, is it? Jacob Stitch — and 

wounded ! 
Jacob. There's about half of me left. 
Jenks. Well, well, too bad. Shall I write the widow 

about it? 
Jacob (fiercely, trying to rise). Never mind. I'll 

write her about it myself. 
Jenks. Well, she'll be glad to hear it — I mean, glad 

to hear from you. What's the matter ? 
Jacob. Oh ! I'm going to be sent home to be re- 
paired. Sewed up, stitched, pressed and ironed 

out, basted and hemmed all over. 
Jenks. Where are you wounded? 

29 



WITH TEE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Jacob. All over. I'll give you a quarter for any 
place you find as big as my hand that ain't got a 
hole in it. My head is shot olf and my legs are 
all tied in bow-knots. 

Jenks {prodding him). Hurt there? 

Jacob. Ouch! You bet. 

Jenks {prodding). There? 

Jacob {yells). That's the worst of all. 

Jenks. Ah, I see. A very serious case. It's lucky 
for you I'm a surgeon. 

Jacob {yells). Surgeon! You? 

Jenks. Sure. I'm going to operate on you at once. 

Jacob. Never. {Yells.) Murder! 

Jenks. Quiet, quiet. (Felix pushes Jacob down on 
table.) Just wait till I call my assistant. {Goes 
L. and calls.) Surgeon! Surgeon! 

{Enter Simpson Crabface, l.) 

Simpson. Here's the sturgeon. Right on the job. 
Where's the patient? 

Jenks. Right here. {Goes r.) He's badly wounded. 

Simpson {following r.). Well, if it ain't Jacob 
Stitch, that had a tailor shop opposite my ton- 
sorial emporium. Welcome to the dismembering 
depot. 

Jenks. We've got to doctor him up. Get your sur- 
gical instruments. 

Simpson. With the greatest of elasticity and com- 
prehensive deuteronomy. 

{Exit, L.) 

Jenks. Place him on the table. 

(Jacob objects, but Felix and Jenks seise him and 
place him on table, r., Jacob groaning, yelling, 
and resisting ad lib. Simpson enters l. with a lot 
of tools, such as old saw, auger, hammer, chisel, 
bits of old iron to make a clatter and any tools 
available for this business.) 

Simpson. Here you are! 

30 



WITS THE STABS AND STEIPE8 IN FRANCE 



{Throws tools on the floor , making a clatter. Jacob 
starts up and seeing the tools he attempts to 
escape, hut is held in place by Felix and Jenks.) 

Jenks. Now which leg shall we chop off first? 
Simpson. Doctor, I think I would cut him in half 

first and see if his heart has been punctured. 
Jenks. No remarks! As the surgeon I will do the 

slicing and the amputating. 
Simpson. I would advise taking out his brains and 

scalding them with hot vinegar. 
Jenks. You are too radical. That's the homeopathic 

treatment. I am for gentle measures. I will 

merely remove his lungs and his liver, and 

(Jacob tries to escape hut is held in place.) 

Felix. How would it do to drive nails in his kidneys ? 

Jenks. No, sir. Very old-fashioned practice. Nails 
would only give him more iron in his blood. 
What he needs now is a new set of ribs and a 
compound fracture of the sarcophagus. (Jacob 
tries to escape.) Get ready now. We'll put him 
out of his misery. 

(While thus talking they have been picking up and 
showing tools, to Jacob's dismay. They 'now 
seize Jacob and pound him with their hands ad 
lih.) 

Simpson. Does this hurt you? 

Felix. Do you feel this? 

Jenks. Where does it hurt you now? 

Jacob. Let me off this table. I'm not wounded at 
all. I was only shamming. 

Jenks. Oh, ho! skulking from the battle line, eh? 
That's what I thought. You'll be shot as a de- 
serter. Fall in! {They compel Jacob to fall 
in line. Then each takes a tool as if a weapon 
and all three imitate drums and sing the "Dead 
March " as they are going out in single file, toward 
L., with Jacob as a prisoner in the line; Simpson 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



prods him with the saw. Jenks, aside.) He'll 
steal the widow from me, will he? 

{They all march out l.) 

{Enter Philip, r., in uniform of American captain, 
followed by Glitter, uniformed as a sergeant. 
Glitter looks about cautiously.) 

Philip. That's all right ! Our uniform protects us, 
and my rank places me in command and above 
suspicion. 

Glitter. Everything seems to play into our hands. 
All the company officers killed or wounded and 
you as the ranking officer in this part of the field, 
to do as you like. 

Philip. The game is nearly over. Our friends are 
very near. {Points off r.) They are only await- 
ing the word from me. 

Glitter. How will you signal them? 

Philip {draws electric flash-light from pocket, and 
flashes it once or twice). With this. {Puts light 
in pocket. ) The time is nearly ripe. 

Glitter. I hope so. {Nervously.) I have a feeling 
we are watched all the time. Why not try to 
cross the lines now — at once, and carry our mes- 
sage that way? 

Philip. What — and be captured ? Not on your life ! 
We are of more use to the Kaiser right here. No, 
I shall see this through as agreed, and signal when 
the right time comes for the attack. 

Glitter. All right. Here are the latest dispatches 
and some drawings which I made of the new 
trenches. {Gives papers to Philip.) But I 
admit I'm nervous. Lucky we haven't any old 
friends in the States to make trouble for us. 

Philip {snapping his fingers). I don't bother my 
head about them. Now don't be seen too fre- 
quently conversing with me. As soon as it grows 
dark I will signal from that window. Go ! 

{Goes up c. to window. Bus. Glitter goes to door 

32 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 

L. just as Jenks is entering it. They meet face to 
face. Jenks puzzled. Glitter turns and strolls 

R.) 

Jenks. Stop! Haven't I seen your face before? 
Glitter {turning). That's how I generally wear it! 

{Laughs and exits door r.) 

(Jenks goes to door r., looks after him and imitates 
his laugh.) 

Jenks {calling after Glitter). That's how you gen- 
erally wear it, hey? Well, if I'm not mistaken, 
somebody will take it off for you soon and screw 
it on upside down, {He is crossing again to l. 
when he sees Philip, stops, and goes up r. c.) 
Hello! I think I know you, too. 

Philip. Salute! Don't you know enough to salute 
an officer? 

(Jenks comes to attention, and is about to salute, hut 
suddenly drops his hand and laughs.) 

Jenks. I'll be darned if I do. In the medical corps 
we salute only real officers and gentlemen. 

Philip {approaching him). What! What's that? 
Salute at once! 

Jenks. No ! 

Philip {threateningly). You scoundrel, I'll 

{Pauses.) Oh, ho! I believe we have met be- 
fore. 

Jenks (l. c). Oh, remember me now, do you? Yes, 
we have met all right — over in the States. And 
perhaps you remember an ammunition plant that 
came near being blown up by spies and other 
vermin. And you may recall a certain pair of 
dirty Huns who were forced to kiss the American 
flag. Remember that ? 

Philip (c). Keep a civil tongue in your head and 
remember where you are. 

Jenks {crossing r,). I'll never forget it, and don't 

33 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



you forget that a uniform doesn't always hide a 
crook or a traitor. 

Philip. I'll see your commander about this. You 
will hear from me, depend upon it. 

Jenks. Send it special delivery and registered so I 
won't miss it. (Philip utters an exclamation of 
anger and exits R. Jenks follows to door r. and 
laughs.) He seems to be real peeved. Well, it 
was quite a surprise, but we've learned to expect 
surprises in this war. 

(Widow appears at door L. Seeing Jenks she utters 
a cry of surprise.) 

Widow. Jenks! Johnson Jenks! Found at last! 
Jenks. Another surprise party, and I may say — a 
large surprise party. 

{Before he is aware of it, the Widow has rushed across 
R. and embraced him with delight. She pulls 
him down c.) 

Widow. I've been searching over half of France to 
find you, and at last we meet. Oh ! Johnson, this 
is Heaven! 

Jenks. If this is Heaven you must be a little fat 
angel ! Tell me, Birdie, where did you flit from ? 

Widow. After all the men enlisted and went away 
I was very lonesome. Nobody left in town but a 
lot of bald-headed, toothless, spavined and rheu- 
matic old men. I couldn't see it being a nurse for 
a lot of superannuated stay-at-home invalids. So 
I volunteered to come over here in the Emergency 
Reconstruction Service, to look after little or- 
phans, the sick and destitute victims of the war. 

Jenks. Fine ! Fine ! I admire your benevolence and 
courage. 

WIDow^ I've got courage all right. If that's all 
that's necessary I won't be a widow very long. 
It's mighty lonesome business having no one to 
cuddle up to or to talk to, or to lecture when it's 
deserved. Jenks! I never knew how much I 

34 



WITS THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



thought of you until you left your drug store 
and came over here. 

Jenks (r. c). What about Stitch the tailor? 

Widow (c). He's not in it. (Jacob is just coming 
on L., when he stands and overhears the conversa- 
tion.) A tailor, a man that sits cross-legged and 
sews all day ? I took his measure and ripped his 
suit for him. 

Jacob. I wonder if she means me? 

Jenks. Then you don't care for the tailor? 

Widow. What! I wouldn't wipe my feet on him. 
Just think of a husband who in his sleep would 
dream that he's running a hot iron up and down 
your back or is sewing on buttons all over you! 
Not much. He is just fit to be a monkey-— that's 
all. 

Jacob {half crying). I hope the next battle I go into 
I'll get shot to pieces. (Jacob disappears l.) 

Widow. Have you seen any of our old friends since 
you have been over here? 

Jenks. Yes, our old friend Samuel Lee was wounded 
yesterday and promoted. 

Widow. Samuel Lee, who had the impudence to try 
to win old Sanders' daughter? 

Jenks. The very same young man. She'd be lucky 
if she got him. 

Widow. Well — there'll be a surprise for him, I guess. 
Mabel Sanders came over on the boat with me. 
She's a Red Cross nurse, and I heard she had 
been sent to a hospital near this part of the line. 
I'd like to see the look of surprise on Mr. Lee's 
face when he sees her. It will be as good as one 
of the moving picture dramas. 

Jenks. It might cheer the poor fellow up. 

{Enter Simpson Crabface, l.) 

Simpson. Well, look who's here! The whole 
United States is moving over to France. 

Widow. Well, the colored barber, I declare ! 

Simpson. Not a tonsorial artist any longer, but a son 
of Esculapius. Got you there. You don't know 

35 



WITM TME STAM8 AND &TRIPES IN FRANCE 



who that is? No? Esculapius is the gent who 
invented porous plasters. 

(LouELLA, in a half nurse, half military costume, 
enters door l.) 

LouELLA. For the land sake! Simpson Crabface or 
I'm a Dutch sardine! Let me just grab you by 
the wool to say welcome home ! 

Simpson. Now I just said the whole United States 
is here. Ain't it the truth? What you doin' 
here, woman? 

LouELLA {following Simpson as he tries to avoid her). 
Don't you try to run away from me, nigger, for 
it will be all the worse for you ! You thought to 
escape the breach of promise and run away in the 
army, eh? Look at me, you dried up, bank- 
rupt nigger. I'm a black cross nurse. 

Simpson {down c). 'Deed, I'm glad to see you, 
Louella. 

LouELLA {down L.). You don't say it as if it came 
from the heart. Come close, and utter them ex- 
clamations again. {He comes to her and she 
throws her arms around him ad lib.) Mine to 
have and to hold. To kill or preserve alive. 
Nigger, you're in the army now, but Uncle Sam 
can't divorce you from your promised bride. I'm 
a war bride, sure enough, and you're my prisoner. 

Simpson. Don't squeeze me so tight. I ain't going 
to run away. I'm as glad to see you as though I 
had the appendicitis. 

LouELLA. Take me where they are serving out the 
rations. I haven't eaten anything since day be- 
fore yesterday, and I'm starved out. 

Simpson. Then come with me and devour some nice 
hardtack and a chunk of railroad track. I'll give 
you some of these here iron rations you been 
hearing about. 

Widow. That reminds me that I'm a little bit hungry 
myself. I've heard of people living on love, but, 
a few provisions always help it along. 

36 



WITS THE STABS AND STBIPES IN FBANCE 



LouELLA. Come along. When food is ready don't 
be a slacker. 

(Exeunt Simpson, Louella and Widow, l.) 

(Music. Enter Mabel, r., as a Red Cross nurse.) 

Jenks. Oh, Miss Sanders, I just heard you were 
here. Welcome, doubly welcome, to this magnifi- 
cent chateau — what is left of it. 

Mabel. Hello, Mr. Jenks. (Looks about.) No, not 
much of a house, is it? The shelling has almost 
destroyed it. 

Jenks. Oh, well ! We can put it to some use. Do 
you know, this is a romantic old building. I dare 
say it saw some stirring incidents in the old days. 

(Walks L. as though examining walls.) 

Mabel. The Huns do not spare even sacred edifices. 
(Looks around.) Have you examined the build- 
ing? 

Jenks (l. c, turning to her). Yes, and I have made 
a discovery in this old chateau. I don't know all 
about it yet. (Takes her hand mysteriously.) I 
have discovered a secret underground passage ! I 
don't know exactly where it leads — but leave it to 
Jenks to find out ! 

Mabel (c). Perhaps it may lead back to the river 
bank just behind us. 

Jenks. Maybe ! Maybe ! The entrance is almost 
covered up by broken timber and stones. 

Mabel. Do not speak of it to any one. Let it re- 
main a secret for the present. We may be able 
to explore it some day. 

Jenks. There was lots of fighting around here, and 
some of our brave boys were badly hurt. 

Mabel. Yes, the work in the clearing station has 
been terrific. I haven't had my clothes oft' for 
three days. The doctor made me stop work and 
rest for a few hours, but I can't sleep. 

37 



WITH THE STARS AND STRIFES IN FRANCE 



Jenks. One of our old friends was severely 
wounded — Samuel Lee. You remember him. 

(Mabel shows painful surprise.) 

Mabel. Mr. Lee! Wounded? Tell me, is he in 
danger ? 

Jenks, Well, I think he will pull through. A ma- 
chine gun bullet ploughed across his scalp. 
(Points to his head.) Pretty narrow shave. 

Mabel (anxiously.) Did he have proper medical at- 
tention ? 

Jenks. Oh, yes; but there comes the young man! 
You may ask him all about it. 

(Music. Samuel Lee, with head bandaged, feeble 
and almost tottering, enters l., leaning on his 
rifle. Jenks retires slightly up l. Mabel and 
Lee see each other.) 

Lee. Mabel! — Miss Sanders. (Goes l. c. to her.) 

Mabel. Oh, you are wounded ! 

Lee. Yes. ( Touches his head. ) They got me, here. 
Pity they didn't take my head off entirely. 

Mabel. Oh, no ! You don't mean that. 

Lee. I do, pretty nearly. 

Mabel. It sounds ungrateful. 

Lee. To whom? 

Mabel. To an all- wise Providence that spared you 
when so many brave fellows were taken. 

Lee. Yes, — spared! Spared to see you again. Miss 
Sanders. You once advised me to go with the 
boys that left to fight the savage Huns 

Mabel. Yes, because I thought it was the duty of 
every American to go with his flag to fight for 
the liberty of the world. To defeat the monster 
who would enslave every nation and trample out 
freedom, and to show the world what America 
could do in a just cause. 

Jenks (coming down l.). Spoken like a real Ameri- 
can girl. (Applauds.) If we had an army of 
girls like that we could whip the Kaiser and 

38 



WITR THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



twenty million savages. But it strikes me that 
two is company and three is a crowd, so I'm 
excused! I'm going out on a furlough. 

{Exit, L.) 

Mabel {to Lee). Is your wound painful? 

Lee {smiling). Seeing you makes it better. I did 

not expect to see you as a Red Cross nurse in 

France. 
Mabel. I thought it my duty to come here. My 

father gave his consent freely. I have been in 

France for three months, but I came here only 

this week. 
Lee. And you have come like an angel to this place. 

Words fail me to speak the joy I feel. Had you 

no other motive in coming over to France? 
Mabel {hesitating). Well — to be of service to the 

poor wounded soldiers. 

(Lee shows disappointment. At this moment Philip 
returns R. In an instant he recognizes both Mabel 
and Lee. He starts with surprise and can 
scarcely control himself. He advances down r.) 

Philip. Miss Sanders ! Why, this is a genuine sur- 
prise. And here is my dear friend, Samuel Lee — 
wounded ! 

Mabel (c). Mr. Barclay — Captain, I should say. 
Yes, he has been severely wounded. 

Philip. But he will receive gentle treatment from 
the pretty Red Cross nurses. I envy the wounded 
soldier — indeed I do. 

Lee. So this is Philip Barclay, and an officer in our 
army? 

Pi-iiLiP. Yes. I have not forgotten the humiliation 
I suffered at your hands — jeered at, and forced to 
kiss the flag. Things are different now, quite 
different, I assure you. If you are well enough 
to idle your time away here, you are well enough 
to resume your duty. 

Mabel. But he is severely wounded. 

39 



wite: the staes and^stetpes in feance 



Philip. That is for a surgeon to say. I order you 

to your duty at once. 
Mabel. And -my duty as a nurse is to remain at 

his side. 
Philip. Do you dare question my authority? 
Mabel {simply). I am responsible to the surgeon 

general only. 
Philip. I will be obeyed. 

{Makes a move toward Mabel.) 

Lee. Stop! {Raises musket.) Put but a single 
finger on that lady and I'll blow your head off. 

Philip. Do you dare threaten an officer? 

Lee. I don't care who and what you are! If I die 
for it I will not permit you to insult her again. 

(Philip produces a pistol. Mabel steps before Lee, 
takes from her bosom a small flag handkerchief 
and holds it up.) 

Mabel. Fire on this flag if you dare ! This flag pro- 
tects every lad in the army ! This is Uncle Sam's 
banner and it is enough to shield a wounded man 
from a designing villain! 

Philip. Do you dare accuse me? 

Mabel. Yes, I have never entirely lost sight of you, 
Philip Barclay. There are those who have 
watched your actions. The moment you dare 
persecute this man without just cause, that mo- 
ment will I denounce you for what you are ! 

Philip (r. c, sneeringly). What do you know about 
me? 

Mabel (c). More than you think I do. Your uni- 
form or rank won't save you when I speak the 
word. 

Lee (l. c). Miss Sanders, please do not permit 
yourself to be annoyed by this man. Leave him 
to me. His rank cannot protect him. 

Mabel. You are agitated. Come, I will attend to 
your wounded head. {To Philip.) I leave you 
to your conscience. Make no mistake. I know! 

40 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



{Exit Mabel with Lee, l., Mabel glancing back 
meaningly at Philip, who is livid with passion.) 

Philip. What does she know, I wonder? Bah! 
(Gesture of impatience.) What do I care? But 
I must act quickly now. (Looks out doors and 
windozv.) No one about. They are waiting be- 
yond there for my signal! (Philip mounts a 
box or barrel and stands at the window. He 
first looks around carefidly, then produces the 
flash-light which he flashes through the large 
aperture or broken window. The stage is dark 
. enough by this time for these signals. He makes 
circles, crosses and many complicated signs with 
his flash-light. While he is thus busy Jenks and 
Felix, l., appear at door, carrying lanterns and 
observe him. After more flashes Philip turns 
and sees them. He is disconcerted for a few 
moments.) Well, what do you want? 

(Steps down from window and comes down c.) 

Jfnks. Don't want anything. How long is it since 
you've been in the signal corps? What are you 
signaling about, anyway? 

Philip. I am an officer. I am minding my own 
business. You would do well to mind yours. 

(Goes R.) 

Jenks. I always mind my own business when every- 
thing is on the level. 

Philip. What do you mean to insinuate? 

Jenks (crossing r.). The Germans can see those 
signals if they are intended for them. 

Philip. I have a right to signal to my own advance 
patrols. 

Jenks. Maybe. But to say the least, your actions 
are very suspicious. 

Philip. I ought to stretch you dead at my feet. 

(He whips out two pistols. But Jenks produces tzvo 
revolvers and Felix shozvs one.) 

41 



WITS THE 8TAES AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Felix. Come right up against itl Three of a kind 

beats one pair, always ! 
Philip. I will summon the guard and have you both 

put in irons. I beUeve you are spies. 
Jenks. Not when you are around. We don't intend 

to be in your class. You've got a monopoly on 

that business. 

{Exit Philip, r., with great show of anger.) 

Felix. Lay low for ducks ; something is in the wind. 

(Jenks is about to follow through door r. hut sud- 
denly springs back.) 

Jenks. Ha — there's the other one! Quick! They 
are coming back. Come into this camouflaged 
observatory. 

(They go behind the boxes and barrels up l. and 
conceal themselves. ) 

{Enter, R., Philip and Glitter. They look all around 
to discover any observers or listeners.) 

Philip (c). They are gone. That blockhead of a 
druggist caught me making signals at that win- 
dow. 

Glitter (l. c). That's all right. If the signals 
were not seen we can still reach the German lines. 

Philip. That young fellow Samuel Lee is here and 
so is the girl Mabel Sanders who rebuffed and 
insulted me before everybody. 

Glitter. Let's pay them all back at one stroke. 

Philip. We will. Place these papers in Lee's 
pockets if you can. Then we will accuse him 
and have him searched. Denounce him as a spy 
and I'll call in a shooting squad and put an end 
to him. 

Glitter. Good ! I'll attend to him at once. 

{Shows papers and exit l.) 

Philip. ^ Now, Mr. Lee, I think I've got you fixed for 
a swift journey into eternity. 
42 



WITS THE STABS AND STRIFES IN FRANCE 



(Goes to windozv and makes a few more signals, 
pausing now and then as though for reply. Jenks 
and Felix observe him from their hiding-place. 
£nfer Glitter, l.) 

Glitter (softly). Captain! (Philip comes down 
c.) Do they answer? 

Philip. Yes. They understand and are waiting for 
you at the usual place. (Jenks and Felix evi- 
dently hear this.) Did you find Lee? 

Glitter. Yes. It's all right. It couldn't work more 
smoothly. I had a great chance and slipped the 
papers into his coat pocket while the nurse was 
attending to his wounded head. 

Philip. Good! Fine! Now speed away with these 
dispatches. The German commander must have 
them at once. Don't lose a moment. Point out 
the weak places in the line. They must attack 
to-night. I'll attend to the rest. (Gives papers.) 
Don't be caught with these. Use my pass and be 
watchful. 

Glitter. Trust me for throwing anybody off my 
track. 

(Exit, R. Philip goes to window at back, then Jenks 
and Felix rise and sneak r. Jenks shakes fist 
unseen at Philip's back. Exeunt, r.) 

Philip (up c). Now I feel that I am on the road 
to a general victory over all my enemies. I hope 
my signals have been seen and understood, but 
Glitter will make sure of the message. 

(Enter, l., Lieutenant, armed, followed by a squad 
of soldiers with rifles. All salute Philip> who 
returns salutes.) 

Lieutenant. Captain ! Signals have been seen from 

this place — intended apparently for the enemy. 

We came here to find the spy or persons doing this. 

Have you seen any one here? 
Philip. Yes. I saw some of the signals myself and 

hurried here to investigate. I traced them to that 

43 



WIT3 THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



window and saw one of our men in the act of 
using a flash-light. I am sorry that any man in 
our uniform would betray his comrades thus. 

Lieutenant. Where is the man? 

Philip. In the adjoining building. {Points l.) He 
pretended to be wounded in the head to avoid 
suspicion. His name is Lee — Sergeant Samuel 
Lee. 

Lieutenant {surprised). Sergeant Lee? 

Philip. Yes. Find him and bring him here. If he 
is guilty he will be executed at once as a lesson 
to others. 

Lieutenant. Very well, sir! 

{They salute and all exeunt l. at word of command.) 

Philip. Now, Mr. Sergeant Lee, I've got you in a 
box {laughs) and I think you'll get out of that 
box only to find yourself in another, about six 
feet by two. And then good-night to you. 

(Lieutenant and soldiers bring in Lee from l., as a 
prisoner. Mabel and Widow follow. ) 

Lieutenant. Sir, here is the prisoner. 
Philip. Let him be searched. 

{They search Lee and find some folded documents.) 

Lieutenant {bus.). Here are outlines of our ad- 
vanced trenches, sir, and locations of our heavy 
artillery — also information of the numbers of our 
reserves. 

{Hands papers to Philip, who opens and examines 
them. ) 

Philip. I thought so. That accounts for his signals 
at that window. 

Mabel. Do you mean to accuse Samuel Lee — as a 
spy? 

Philip. Yes, these papers are proof enough. 

Lee. Miss Sanders, and comrades — I deny the ac- 
cusation. I never saw those papers nor made any 

44 



WITM TH^ STABS AND STRIPES W FRANCSl 



signals at that window. I have been in the hos- 
pital yonder. {Points L.) 

Philip {to Mabel). Have you been with him all 
the time, during the past half hour? 

Mabel. Yes — all but a very few minutes. 

Philip {coldly). Ah, yes. {To Lieutenant.) A 
great deal of dangerous signaling can be done in 
a very few minutes. 

{He emphasises the last words, with a hostile look at 
Lee.) 

Lee. I did not leave the hospital for a single moment. 

Philip. So you say. 

Mabel. I believe you, trust you, no matter what a 
contemptible villain may say or do against you. 
I believe you are innocent. 

Lee. Thank you. That means a lot to me. Don't 
be frightened. I have done nothing wrong, and 
therefore they can prove nothing against me. 

Philip. Soldiers, your lives have been endangered 
by this spy. Take him into the room, search him 
carefully and you may find additional proof. You 
know the fate of a spy on the battle-field or camp 
in time of war. 

Lieutenant. Death ! 

( Gives military commands and soldiers take Lee out l. 
All leave hut Mabel and Philip. He goes r. 
She follows.) 

Mabel. So you intend to have him shot as a spy? 

Philip. Yes, I have waited for this chance. A kind 
turn has furnished it. He dies. {Goes to r. c.) 

Mabel (r.). Is there no way to save him from this 
shameful death? 

Philip. Yes, there is one chance. Give me your 
love and promise to become mine and I will find 
a way to save him. 

Mabel. I pray you, I implore you to save an inno- 
cent man. You know that he is not guilty, but 
you are actuated by motives of hate and revenge. 

45 



WlTff TBE STARS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Philip. You have said it. Come — what do you say ? 
Think quickly. 

{Takes her hand, hut she draws it away.) 

Mabel. You villain ! You miserable spy and scoun- 
drel ! 

Philip {scornfully). Big words. 

Mabel. Oh, I hate you ! 

Philip. Very well. Then he dies. {Moves to c.) 

Mabel. Stop! On my knees {kneels) I beg for 
clemency. Spare that poor wounded innocent 
man. 

{At this moment Lee is brought in by Lieutenant 
and soldiers. Simpson, Louella, Widow and 
Jacob follow. Lee is halted l. c. Others up and 
down L. Lee sees Mabel kneeling to Philip.) 

Lee. Miss Sanders, rise. Do not kneel to that black- 
hearted villain. Don't beg for my life, for I 
would not accept it at such a sacrifice. 

Philip. She kneels because she loves you. 

Mabel {rising). I was kneeling to save an American 
from the clutches of a spy, a traitor, an alien 
scoundrel whom I will unmask yet, in spite of 
his uniform. 

Philip. Stand him up against the wall. {To Lieu- 
tenant.) Get your firing squad ready. 

Lieutenant {evidently surprised). Sir! 

Philip. Get your squad ready. Put the prisoner 
against the wall there. {Points up c.) He will 
be executed at once. 

(Widow screams. Others agitated.) 

Lee. You have no right. I demand a regular court- 
martial. 

Philip. This is war time. We will shoot first and 
talk afterward. {To Lieutenant.) Obey or- 
ders. 

(Lieutenant salutes. Lee's hands are tied and he is 

placed against wall up c.) 

46 



WITR THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Mabel {to Philip). Will nothing move your heart 
to do justice to that man? 

Philip. He is a spy. The safety of our army de- 
mands it. Put a bandage over his eyes. 

Lee. No, I can look upon my comrades without fear, 
for I have never disgraced this uniform ! 

WiDov^. Bully for you! If I v^ere a man Fd tear 
the uniform off of that sneak ! 

{Points to Philip, and crosses r. to Mabel.) 

Lee. Miss Sanders, one request. Let me have the 
little flag you protected me v^ith. {She goes up c. 
to him.) I v^ant to wear it next to my heart 
as your last gift, and a suitable emblem for a 
soldier to wear as he faces death. {She pins flag 
on his breast.) Here, standing upon the brink 
of eternity, I say to my comrades, to you, Miss 
Sanders, and to all, that I am the victim of that 
scoundrel's plot and I die an innocent man, but a 
true American! In the words of Nathan Hale, 
I regret that I have but one life to give to my 
country ! 

Philip. Make ready. {Soldiers get ready to fire. 
Mabel screams and faints in arms of Widow, 
who soothes her.) This is the fate of a spy! 
Ready — aim! {Soldiers obey.) 

(Jenks and Felix heard off r.) 

Jenks. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Come 
along! {They force in Glitter, holding pistols 
to his head. ) We caught this spy red-handed and 
weVe got the goods on him. 

(Philip astounded.) 

Philip {c, aside). Glitter! And caught. {Aloud.) 
Where are your proofs that this man is a spy? 

Jenks (r.). Right here. He had these dispatches 
{shows them), but we got him all right. You 
gave them to him, but we got 'em, see? 

47 



WITS THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FMNOE 



Glitter (r. c, aside to Philip). You've got to get 

me out of this, or 111 squeal. 
Philip. We will examine this spy after we get rid 

of this one. {Indicates Lee.) 
Lieutenant. A spy is a spy. If we shoot one we 

should shoot both of them, sir. 

{Everybody approves of this.) 

All. That's right — shoot them both ! 

(Philip dismayed.) 

Simpson. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for 
the rooster ! 

(Glitter goes close to Philip.) 

Glitter. Get me out of this, do you hear? 

Philip. I can't do anything. I will not save Lee at 
any price, come what may. I've got him, and 
nothing shall stir me from my purpose. 

Glitter. Do you mean to go back on me ? 

Philip. You have been paid for your work. It is 
the fortune of war. 

Lieutenant. Come ! Put him up against the wall. 

{Soldiers take Glitter up stage. He struggles and 
breaks away from them. He runs to Philip, 
down R.) 

Glitter. The moment they aim a gun at me I'll tell 

all I know, and denounce you. 
Philip. Bah ! That for your threats. 

{Snaps fingers.) 

Glitter. I did all the dirty work at your command, 
but I won't die for you! {Soldiers come down 
and take him.) If I die, you die with me. 

Philip {aside). It's strange that my signals have 
not been answered. {Aloud.) Soldiers, do your 
duty. Shoot them both. 

{Soldiers place Glitter iip c. and take aim.) 
48 



WlT£t THE STABS AND STEIPJES IN FRANCE 



Glitter. Stop ! Soldiers ! I confess that I am a spy, 
but there is my confederate ! (Points to Philip.) 
Lee is innocent! Here is that man's personal 
pass. 

(Shows it. Philip is staggered. All are about to 
attack or shoot Philip, hut at that moment a dis- 
charge of firearms is heard off and shouts of the 
Germans attacking the place also heard. Ger- 
mans rush in r. and attack Americans. Philip 
strikes down Lieutenant. Fight takes place but 
Americans, outnumbered, are killed or captured. 
Mabel runs to Lee, who tries to protect her. 
Glitter is shot down by Jenks. Philip shows 
he is triumphant and has Mabel and Lee as pris- 
oners. Simpson and Louella join in the melee 
hut are captured with the rest. With a laugh 
of triumph Philip waves his signaling torch in 
Lee's face.) 

Philip (c). So! The masquerade is over. You 
are prisoners to me and the Emperor of Germany. 

Lee. I don't know which is the worst scoundrel. 
But neither can break the spirit of an American 
soldier ! 



CURTAIN 



49 



ACT III 

SCENE. — Same as in Act II. All lights on. 

(Music. At rise of curtain some American prisoners 
are discovered. Lee seated on box l. c, Jacob r., 
on ground or on box, trying to bite into a stale loaf 
of bread. Simpson Crabface seated on a box 
down L., with cards, trying to tell his own fortune. 
Soon as curtain is up Simpson commences to sing 
chorus of " Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, the Boys are 
Marching." Two German guards, Gottlieb, r., 
and Siegfried, l., pound on the floor with their 
rifles, demanding silence.) 

Siegfried. Silence! Silence! Stop this noise! 
Simpson. That shows how much you fellows know 
about music. The}^ call my singing a noise. 

{Prisoners laugh.) 

Gottlieb. Shut up, you American pig-dogs. 
Simpson. Look out that the American dogs don't 

bite you! If they do you'll get sixteen kinds of 

hydrophobia ! 

{Prisoners take interest in all the conversation; ap- 
prove and laugh at intervals.) 

Jacob. Say! When do we get our rations? 

{Sentries laugh.) 

Gottlieb. These Americans want to eat. That's a 

good joke, nicht wahr? 
Simpson. Yes, but I don't want any of that bad 

cabbage that you call sour krout, and that cheese. 

Great Jerusalem ! You can find it in the dark. 
Lee. Ah, boys, don't let this worry you. A true 

American is never beaten till the last man is out 

50 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



in the ninth inning. Cheer up. The boys will 
come soon, and get us out of this. I feel sure 
of it. 
Simpson. That's so, Sergeant ! I've been telling my 
fortune, and I see we'll all give these fellows the 
slip yet. The cards never lie. 

{Enter, r., a fat German major. The guards give the 
''rifle salute.") 

Major. Don't allow these Americans too much lib- 
erty in speech or movements. They are as 
slippery as eels. Come down here, and I'll whis- 
per the password to you. 

{They come down c, and Major whispers to them 
"' Crown Prince." While he is doing this Jenks 
appears from behind the boxes, etc., up l. He 
goes to Lee and speaks cautiously to him.) 

Jenks. I have been exploring that secret under- 
ground passage. It leads toward our advanced 
lines. Sh ! I'll tell you more about it when I 
get a chance. 

{Skips back among the rubbish and disappears. 
i Major turns. ) 

Major. I will notify the outer guards to be doubly 
careful. I want to get these prisoners, male and 
female, away from here as soon as I can. 

{Enter Philip, l. He is now in uniform of a Ger- 
man colonel. He is followed by a few German 
soldiers. Major and guards salute.) 

Philip. The outer guards have orders to shoot any 
one coming near the dead line. The enemy are 
making preparations of some kind, but our spies 
have not yet made a report. {To prisoners.) 
How do you like the change in this game of war ? 
{To Lee.) You had a narrow escape, but you 
are not out of the woods. 

51 



WITS THE 8TAES AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



Lee. You are at last in your true element, and in 
your correct viniform. 

Philip. I will have more to say to you in a short 
time. As a cat plays with a mouse before des- 
troying it, so can I aiford to amuse myself with 
you. {To Major.) Remove all prisoners to the 
other building and secure them ! Don't be afraid 
to shoot them if they attempt any rebellious move- 
ments. 

Major. Guards! Remove the prisoners. 

{Sentries and other soldiers order the prisoners off R. 
Lee looks at Philip with scorn and exits R. 
This leaves Major and Philip alone, c.) 

Philip. There is one American among that group 
that I will trample under my feet when the time 
comes. 

Major. I have heard about this place from some of 
our spies. They tell me there is a secret pass- 
age — a relic of old days. We could use it to at- 
tack the Americans or they could use it to surprise 
us here. Do you know its exact location ? 

Philip {surprised). No; I did not know of such a 
passage. I do not place much reliance on such 
stories. 

Major {aside). He knows, but is trying to throw 
me off the track. {Aloud.) You certainly know 
something about it. 

Philip. I have told you that I do not. 

Major. How do we know that you are not playing a 
double game on us ? Once a spy always a spy. 

{Looks at Philip and exits r.) 

Philip. A spy is not trusted even by his comrades. 
Well, I'll look after him later on. I never forget 
little compliments like that. I'll look over the 
prisoners myself and try to console Sergeant Sam 
Lee. {Laughs.) All my friends are here and I'll 
try to make it pleasant for them. 

{Exit, R.) 
52 



WITH THE STABS AND STEIPES IN FRANCE 



{Immediately Felix capers on from L. and dodges 
around ad lib.) 

Felix. So far they have overlooked me, but I've got 
to make a get away from this place. They're 
going to send all prisoners back from here, and 
I must look after myself. (Felix, in searching 
among rubbish, etc., up r. and l., finds a Nor- 
mandy peasant girl's dress, apron, and Normandy 
cap. He comes down c.) Here's the stuff! 
With this disguise I can escape and get back to 
the American lines. (Rolls up his trousers, 
showing white stockings. He puts on the female 
dress. Funny business ad lib., but not too slow. 
Then he puts on the Normandy cap.) There! 
I'd like to know if I don't look like the real thing ! 

{He has taken but a few steps when the two German 
sentries, Siegfried and Gottlieb, enter R. and 
admire Felix.) 

Siegfried. Oh! Wass a bootiful madchen. 
Gottlieb. Oh ! Such a fine shape and sweetness. 

Dot belongs to me yet. 
Siegfried. I have dot seen first already. 

{As these two cannot be given their native language, 
dialect and distortion of phrases is permissible. 
During the speeches Felix is puzzled and anxious 
to avoid them.) 

Gottlieb. You are such a big stick of sugar candy. 

{Puts arm around Felix's waist.) 

Siegfried. You are worse than candy. You iss 
molasses yet. 

{Puts his arm around Felix's waist,) 

Felix {aside). I'll rap one of these chaps on the 
jaw in a minute. 

Gottlieb. You love me because I am a military sol- 
dier — yes? 

53 



WITH THE STABS AND STBIPES M FRANCE 



Siegfried. And you love me because you can't help 

it, no? 
Felix. My mama don't allow me to flirt with strange 

gentlemen. 
Siegfried. We are not gentlemen — we are German 

soldiers. 
Gottlieb. I never was a gentleman since I was in 

this army. 
Felix. Anybody can tell that. You couldn't be if 

you tried ; the Kaiser wouldn't let you. 
Siegfried. And the officers are worse! {Laughs.) 
Gottlieb. Yaw, yaw! Better as worse! Please 

give me a kiss. 
Siegfried. Me first, because I am the prettiest. 
Gottlieb. I shall have the first kiss, because I saw 

her first. 
Felix. Oh! I am so bashful. I want to kiss you, 

but you mustn't look at me when you kiss me. 
Siegfried. No, I will shut my eyes open. 
Gottlieb. Yes, I will close my eyes wide open. 
Felix. I will do better than that. I will blindfold 

you both. Have you a handkerchief between 

you? 
Siegfried. Handkerchief? What's dem for? 
Felix. Never mind. I have some. {Takes two 

handkerchiefs from pockets of dress or apron.) 

Oh ! I hope mama won't catch me flirting with 

you handsome men. 

{Ties handkerchief over Siegfried's eyes, then blind- 
folds Gottlieb with another.) 

Siegfried. I am without eyes! I can't smell noth- 
ings. 

Gottlieb. And me too likewise. 

Felix. Now when I say the word kiss me quick so 
my mama won't see you. (Louella appears from 
L. Felix motions to her. She expresses sur- 
prise. ) Come down here ! { Louella advances. ) 
Now, all ready! 

{The two Germans advance to c. as Felix places 

54 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



LouELLA c, and runs out l. The Germans throw 
their arms around the astonished Louella and 
kiss her repeatedly, she being unable to escape, 
until they joyfully pidl off the bandages and then 
see they have been kissing Louella. They utter 
a yell of disappointment and wipe their mouths 
in disgust. Louella produces a razor from her 
shoe and slashing ad lib. at them chases them 
out R.) 

{Enter Mabel, l.) 

Mabel. What is to be the fate of the prisoners? 
We cannot expect much mercy from our captors 
and none at all from the one who has persecuted 
us at every chance. 

( Jenks appears from under rubbish, etc., up l., and 
motions to her to be silent and careful.) 

Jenks. Sh! Be careful, Miss Sanders. I'm acting 

as a mole or a ground-hog digging in the earth. 

I'm on the eve of a great discovery. 
Mabel. What is it? 
Jenks. Do you remember I told you about an old 

secret passage? 
Mabel. Yes — yes! Have you found it? Where 

does it lead? 
Jenks. It led from our lines to this place before the 

Germans captured it. 
Mabel {down l.). Yes, yes, go on. It may yet 

prove the means of our escape. 
Jenks (l. c). It may — but I haven't explored it 

thoroughly yet. I have told Mr. Lee about it 

and we're all anxious to get a line on it. Look 

out ; our dear friend Philip approaches. I'll keep 

an eye on him, never fear. 

{Exit, R.) 

{Enter Philip, r. He sees Mabel, l., and bows to 
her.) 

Philip. Miss Sanders, we seem to meet under strange 

55 



WITS TEE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



circumstances at all times. It was a queer turn 
of fortune that placed you all in our hands. But 
we may as well make the best of it. (Calls.) 
Sergeant! Bring in the American, Samuel Lee. 
(A German soldier enters R. with Lee l.) You 
may leave us, but remain within call. 
Soldier. Very good, sir. 

{Salutes and exit, R.) 

(Mabel and Lee exchange glances.) 

Lee (r., to Philip). What do you wish to say to me? 

Philip {up-L. c). First, let me say that all prisoners 
are going to be sent back to Germany. You have 
certain information that may be of great use to 
me. 

Lee {down r.). And if I have it will never be re- 
vealed to you while I live. 

Philip. Miss Sanders has partially revealed some- 
thing of importance. 

Mabel (l., starts forward). It is false. I have not 
spoken to you upon any subject whatever. 

Philip. We will not discuss the matter. You have 
a chance to save your lives. 

Lee. Would you murder unarmed prisoners? 

Philip {laughs). Murder! Oh, nothing so crude 
as that. We will simply arrange matters so that 
you will be very anxious to die. 

(Mabel, l. c, shudders. Lee crosses to her. Philip 
goes down r.) 

Lee. I demand the treatment due to a prisoner. I 
am an American soldier. 

Philip. Bah! Why do you Americans keep shout- 
ing so about your nationality? 

Lee. Because Fd rather belong to America than to 
any other nation on earth. 

Philip. Why, forsooth? 

Lee (c). Why? I would rather be an American 
because I believe in the United States of America, 
which has been created by the people and for the 
; 56 



Wim THE STARS AND STRIFES IN FRANCE 



people. A land devoted to freedom and justice, 
where one man is as good as another, and where 
every man is the architect of his own fortune, 
and can rise to the highest office in the gift of a 
great nation. Abraham Lincoln was born in a 
log cabin! I am an American because I do not 
bow the knee to or recognize a tyrant and a despot 
who compels his people to go as slaves and fight 
his battles to perpetuate his throne and family. 
I am an American because America is the land 
of my birth, the country that fed me and made 
a man of me. I am an American because I have 
enlisted to fight under the Stars and Stripes for 
the liberty of the world, and in my heart I carry 
this resolution — In all good things America must 
and shall be first ! 

Mabel (l. c). Good! I never felt so proud of you 
and my country as I feel at this moment. 

1.EE (c). I can't conceive of a more despicable 
traitor than the man who stands ready to betray 
his country to a foreign power. 

Philip {down r.). Men in high places in your own 
boasted country are helping us. 

Lee. Some day the American people will rise in 
their wrath and drive out all those poisonous 
reptiles ! 

Philip. A very patriotic speech ; but what has Amer- 
ica done that compares with the glorious deeds of 
Germany ? 

Mabel. Glorious deeds ! Yes — shooting nurses, shell- 
ing churches filled with women and children, fir- 
ing on poor fellows in boats who were trying to 
save themselves, killing clergymen in Belgium and 
murdering prisoners of war. You certainly have 
some reason to glorify your deeds and your 
boasted " Kultur." 

Philip {angrily). Modify your language. 

{Advances in a threatening manner to r. c. Lee steps 
forzvard. Mabel steps between the two men, as 
though shielding Lee from danger.) 

57 



WITH THE STABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



Mabel. Do not fear for me. If it comes to the 
worst I will show you how an American woman 
can protect and defend herself from brutes in the 
shape of men. 

Philip. You also know that when we catch spies 
over here we do not dilly-dally with them as your 
American government does. We shoot them, 
male or female. 

Lee (starts). Male or female? 

Philip. Yes, we have done so before, and will do so 
again. Miss Sanders could be easily accused ! 

Lee. What a low brute you are! 

Ppiilip. I repeat — that she could be accused and shot. 

Mabel (r. c). When I volunteered my services as 
a nurse I fully believed that the German officers 
would respect my sex and calling. 

Philip (r.). This is war time. I need information. 
There is a secret underground passage leading to- 
ward the American trenches. (Mabel starts.) 
Ah, I see you know something about it. Would 
you save your lives? 

Mabel. I reject your offer. I would not purchase 
my life by giving you the slightest bit of informa- 
tion. 

Lee (c). God bless you, girlie, for refusing to live 
as a dishonored representative of the land of your 
birth. 

Philip. During this war Germany has made spying 

a science. To be a spy is not dishonorable in 

. Germany. Some do their work through patriotic 

motives and believe that Germany will yet be 

master of the world. 

Lee. It must be a fine nation that depends upon 
treachery and dirty work to win. 

Philip (impatiently). Very well. That's enough. 
I'll have you shot within ten minutes. As for this 
girl — she is mine. Come ! 

(He seises Mabel's hand, and as she screams tries to 
draw her to door r.) 

Mabel (to Lee). Oh, save me! 

58 



WITH THE S'TABS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



{Music. Lee jumps forward and seizes Philip by 
the throat and a desperate struggle takes place. 
Philip tries to draw his revolver hut Mabel 
seizes his arm. Lee begins to get the best of 
the fight and forces Philip to his knees, up r. 
Philip yells.) 

Philip. Help — guard — help! (Gottlieb and Sieg- 
fried dash in R., throw Mabel aside and attack 
Lee up R. This gives Philip a chance to rise, 
up L. c.) Ach! Now we have him. Kill him! 
{He turns to Mabel, who lies sobbing on ground 
up c.) Now you will come with me! (Philip 
seizes Mabel, and half carries, half drags her to r. 
She fights him desperately, striking him in the 
face.) What, you tigress! 

{Standing near door R., he raises his arm to strike her, 
when Jenks, rushing in r., seizes his arm. Lee 
throws down the two soldiers in the same moment. 
Jenks levels cu. pistol at Philip. Mabel sinks on 
her knees.) 

Jenks {to Philip). Keep your hands up, Kamerad 
fashion. That's right. Now I'll relieve you of 
this pistol. {Disarms Philip.) 

Lee {going l.). Thank you, Jenks. Just in time. 
My wound makes me weak. {Sinks on box, l.) 

Jenks (r., to Philip). Three to one, you cowards; 
but that's the only way you ever fight. {The 
two soldiers make a movement but Jenks covers 
them.) Make another move and I'll blow your 
heads off. 

Philip. Call the guard ! 

Jenks. Shut up, or I'll call the undertaker! 
{Threatens them ad lib. Jenks then calls.) 
Crabface — Crabface ! 

(Simpson enters r., with rope lasso.) 

Simpson. Right here! 

Jenks. Take out these prisoners and tie them up. 
^Hands Philip's revolver to Simpson after 

59 



WITH THE STABS AND STBIPE8 IN FRANCE 



Simpson has placed his rope around the two sol- 
diers and Philip.) Take them out! (Simpson 
pulls the Germans out r. Business ad lib.) Now- 
then be quick ! I've found the secret passage and 
sent word to our Sammees. (Mabel and Lee 
are delighted.) Look out for a picnic. {Explo- 
sion heard off l.) What's that? {Runs to win- 
dow c. and looks out.) Great Scott! A shell 
has exploded right at the end of the secret passage ! 
Mabel {despairingly). We are lost! We are lost! 

{Rattle of musketry off L. ; distant shouts and loud 
explosions. Lee goes to window up r. c.) 

Lee. That's an American barrage. Our boys are 
about to attack. {Comes dozvn from window.) 

Mabel. Oh, will they shell this building? 

Lee (c). I'm afraid so. It may come any moment 

Mabel {going to him up c). At least we die to- 
gether. 

Lee. Then you care — you love me! 

Mabel. Better than life itself ! I have always loved 
you and always will. 

Lee. If we are spared will you be my wife? 

Mabel. Yes, yes! 

{They embrace. Another rattle of firearms heard. 
LouELLA runs on r. with a rifle and revolver and 
gives weapons to Lee.) 

LouELLA. Here! If the Germans attack us defend 
yourself ! 

(Lee takes Mabel off l. Exit Louella, r. Widow 
rushes in r., screaming, "Save me!" Runs into 
arms of Jenks.) 

Jenks. Wait until after the fight ! 

{Casts her off and rushes off l., followed by Widow 
screaming, ''Don't desert me, dear Johnson! 
Come back!" Simpson dashes on from r. and 
when he is c. a shot is fired off R. Simpson falls 
with his head to r. The fat Major runs on from 
60 



WITE THE STARS AND STRIPES IN FRANCE 



R., kicks and abuses Simpson, then as he starts 
to go L., Simpson sits up and shoots him in the 
hack, then runs off r., pursued by Major, limp- 
ing. Lee and Mabel enter l. Keep up shoot- 
ing and shouts off stage.) 

Lee. The boys are at hand. Remain close beside me. 
We'll die together if need be. 

(Philip rushes on from, r.) 

Philip. You expect a rescue, do you? Surrender! 
Lee. This is my answer ! 

{Shoots Philip, who staggers and falls r. c. At this 
moment the Americans dash in l., led by Jenks, 
Felix and Lieutenant. German soldiers drive 
in the prisoners from l. They run over to their 
rescuers. All characters are now in this general 
conflict. The Germans are beaten down or killed. 
Lee, up c, takes the flag from an American sol- 
dier who is wounded and while embracing Mabel 
he waves the flag over the cheering Americans.) 

Lieutenant. Where's Rhinehart ? Where's the spy ? 
Lee {pointing to Philip). There he lies — he will 

serve Germany no longer ! So perish all enemies 

of the Stars and Stripes in France ! 

curtain 



6i 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD MILI. SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six 
males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of 
playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; 
imay be presented in a hall without scenery. The unusual com- 
iiination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations, 
,etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercise* 
include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruptions^ 
and a comical speech by a country school trustee. Price, 15 
cents. 

EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOXi. 

An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male 
and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. 
Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a 
trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- 
cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers 
to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims 
the teacher. Very easy and very effective. Price, 15 cents. 

BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- 
tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male 
and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. 
Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are 
sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk in 
a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and 
decides to try his fortunes in New York. The last scene is in 
Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership 
in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a 
surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. 
Price, 15 cents. 

THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one 
female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- 
numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special 
fecenery is required, and the costumes and properties are all, 
easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- 
vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- 
pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur- 
lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every 
part will make a hit. Price, 15 cents. 

SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female 
characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. 
Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set 
scenery. Costumes, modern. The rehearsal for an entertain- 
ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for 
specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted 
to almost any place or occasion. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENW PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Unusually Good Entertaioments 

Read One or More of These Before Decidlsig on 
Your Next Program 

A SUBPKISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- 
tertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and 
seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By the 
author of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hill 
School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers have 
planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently 
graduated from college. They all join in jolly games, songs* 
conundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises 
the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. Price, IS cents, 

JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by 
Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with 
supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the 
parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple 
interior; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. 
Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel 
features, unusual characters and quick action. Nearly every 
character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There are 
many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. Price, 15 cents. 

THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One 
Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or 
may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so 
that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. 
Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent 
of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the 
machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humorous 
characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gjit- 
ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. Price, 15 cents. 

THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original 
Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont, Eighteen males 
and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. 
Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played 
in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is 
nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily 
produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost 
any number of good parts. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OLD MAIDS* ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enter^ 
tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson, For thirteett 
females and one male. The male part may be played by a 
female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or 
more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery 
nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Can 
easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. Price, 25 cents. 

BARGAIN DAY AT BI<OOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical 
Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males 
and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- 
em. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations 
which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire 
fun from start to finish. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Successful Plays for All Girls 

In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 

YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, 
by Mbs. E. J. H. GooDFELLOw, One of the most popular 
plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in 
pl^aying, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- 
ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a 
young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- 
sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. 
When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that 
the physician is a female practitioner. Price, 15 cents. 

SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
DuMONT. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
of Masonry, Some women profess to learn the secrets of a 
Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, 
and they institute a similar organization. Price, 15 cents. 

A COMMANDING PdSITION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- 
acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one 
hour. Cestumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street 
scene. Marian Young gets tired living with her aunt, Miss 
Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding, position." 
Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and 
school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. Price, IS 
cents, 

HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters.' 
Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the 
deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win 
the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. 
But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
friend and so the secret travels. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E, Paine, For eight female 
characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- 
iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to 
chaperon herself, po^es as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
Mowe and _Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish 
in evening of rare enjoyment. Price 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBUSHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 




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1714 Delancey Street PhiladeltAla 



